My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man...

Sunday will mark 19 years since my Father passed away.  That is a LONG time.  So much has happened.  So much I wish I could share with him.  When I went off to college in the early 90's, my musical taste changed quite a bit and I grew up a bit. I discovered singer-songwriters and fell in love with so much music that I never gave a chance to before.  I'd heard many of these songs, but it was always my "parent's music", not something that I would choose.

One of the things I miss most about my Dad is how interested he was in my passion of music.  I can remember sitting at the table with him asking me all kinds of details about some band that I liked.  He asked me to make a copy of the first Guns 'N Roses album for him.  He recorded hours of videos on the old VCR (ask your parents you young 'uns).  He even wrote down the tape counter number for each video so you could easily get to that Aerosmith video if you wanted to. 

He took such an interest in "my music" for so long and I think he was pretty excited when my musical taste broadened a bit and started getting into some of the music that he truly dug.  Neil Young, Simon & Garfunkel, Dan Fogelberg...all of these artists were ones that my Dad and I shared.  In October or November of 1994 Dan Fogelberg was going to play a concert at the Oklahoma City Civic Center.  For my birthday, I had asked for a pair of tickets to go to the show...with my Dad.

Now concerts and my Dad were nothing new, but I had never been to a concert with him.  You see, my parents were pretty hip.  I started going to concerts in the 8th grade and had a few guys that I would go with to these shows.  My Dad was often the parent that volunteered to drive my group of buddies from El Reno to Oklahoma City for the concert.  He would drop us off and then just hang in the car until the show was over.  We went to so many shows and 80% of the time, he was our accomplice.  But actually going and watching a show together had never happened.

So he agreed and we were going to catch Dan Fogelberg together.  Unfortunately right around the time of the concert, work got in the way, or he got sick, I can't recall the reasoning, but he had to back out of the concert at the last minute and I ended up going with a friend.  It was a great concert and as cheesy as Fogelberg can be, he was great. Unfortunately just a few short weeks after the concert, my Dad passed away and I never had an opportunity to experience a concert with him.

19 years later and I work in the concert industry for a living.  I make my living by doing the thing that my Dad enabled me to experience all of those years ago.  He probably didn't realize in those trips to OKC that he was shaping my future in such a major way, but those trips meant everything to me...and the memories of those trips still do.

My favorite Dan Fogelberg song has always been "Leader of The Band" but after my Pops passed, it took on a whole new meaning for me.  While some of the lyrics don't match up with my experience, the sentiment of the song absolutely does.

             "And he gave to me a gift I know, I never can repay."
 
            "His gentle means of sculpting souls took me years to understand."

            "I think you for the kindness and the times that you got tough...and Poppa I don't
            think I said 'I love you' near enough."

All lines that I relate to but none more than this simple line that 19 years later, rings more true than ever.

"My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man.  I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band."

Merry Christmas Pops.  I miss you and love you and thank you for all that you were and continue to be in my life.

One letter can change everything...

As most of you know, we made a trip to Iowa last week to spend time with Christie's family for Thanksgiving.  We left early Sunday morning right before the sun rose.  That is not something that I experience often as I am anything but an early riser.  As we were driving and the sun rose, I was amazed at how quickly it rose once it started.  I mentioned to Christie that it's even crazier when you remember that the sun is not moving, but we are, even though we don't feel the movement. 
On the trip home, we had an unexpected trip to the emergency room due to my inability to remember to drink any water at all over the holiday weekend.  Luckily everyone made it out of the situation alive and well and I realize that is worth being very grateful for....I do.  But it also made me think about how crappy much of 2013 has been.
Deaths of loved ones far too soon, tornado devastation, extremely poor personal decisions, cancer, car accidents, tickets, trips to the hospital.  A great deal has gone wrong this year.  But then again...I've got to see the power of love first hand....I've seen it surround a family as they pick up the pieces after losing everything in a tornado.  I've seen it surround a family who lost both their parents in a matter of days.  I've seen it surround a young lady who became a widow far far far too soon.  I've seen love shown to me when I didn't deserve it from my wife.  I've seen it in the friends that stepped up for Christie and I in the last year throughout these trials.  I've seen, maybe more than any other year that I can recall, the power that love and compassion have to restore and rebuild people and relationships.
I am a Christian but realize that many reading this may not be.  Doesn't matter one little bit in how I love you.  God can be many things to many people but to me, it is summed up with words like LOVE and COMPASSION.  I believe that God gave his Son so that we may know that love and compassion.
Which brings me back to where we begin this story.  As we drove that early Sunday morning, I thought about the sun. How with our limited perception it feels as though the sun moves around us....sometimes in sight and sometimes not.  Sometimes close and sometimes far away.  When in reality, it never moves, it is us that draw close and pull away. 

Then I changed a letter...
and the same thing applies with us and the Son. 

There have been times in the past year that I have felt far away from God....felt far away from love and compassion and grace.  But He was always there.  It was me that pulled away from what is always available and always present to us if we choose to open ourselves up.  And that realization my friends, is worth getting up early for...