My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man...

Sunday will mark 19 years since my Father passed away.  That is a LONG time.  So much has happened.  So much I wish I could share with him.  When I went off to college in the early 90's, my musical taste changed quite a bit and I grew up a bit. I discovered singer-songwriters and fell in love with so much music that I never gave a chance to before.  I'd heard many of these songs, but it was always my "parent's music", not something that I would choose.

One of the things I miss most about my Dad is how interested he was in my passion of music.  I can remember sitting at the table with him asking me all kinds of details about some band that I liked.  He asked me to make a copy of the first Guns 'N Roses album for him.  He recorded hours of videos on the old VCR (ask your parents you young 'uns).  He even wrote down the tape counter number for each video so you could easily get to that Aerosmith video if you wanted to. 

He took such an interest in "my music" for so long and I think he was pretty excited when my musical taste broadened a bit and started getting into some of the music that he truly dug.  Neil Young, Simon & Garfunkel, Dan Fogelberg...all of these artists were ones that my Dad and I shared.  In October or November of 1994 Dan Fogelberg was going to play a concert at the Oklahoma City Civic Center.  For my birthday, I had asked for a pair of tickets to go to the show...with my Dad.

Now concerts and my Dad were nothing new, but I had never been to a concert with him.  You see, my parents were pretty hip.  I started going to concerts in the 8th grade and had a few guys that I would go with to these shows.  My Dad was often the parent that volunteered to drive my group of buddies from El Reno to Oklahoma City for the concert.  He would drop us off and then just hang in the car until the show was over.  We went to so many shows and 80% of the time, he was our accomplice.  But actually going and watching a show together had never happened.

So he agreed and we were going to catch Dan Fogelberg together.  Unfortunately right around the time of the concert, work got in the way, or he got sick, I can't recall the reasoning, but he had to back out of the concert at the last minute and I ended up going with a friend.  It was a great concert and as cheesy as Fogelberg can be, he was great. Unfortunately just a few short weeks after the concert, my Dad passed away and I never had an opportunity to experience a concert with him.

19 years later and I work in the concert industry for a living.  I make my living by doing the thing that my Dad enabled me to experience all of those years ago.  He probably didn't realize in those trips to OKC that he was shaping my future in such a major way, but those trips meant everything to me...and the memories of those trips still do.

My favorite Dan Fogelberg song has always been "Leader of The Band" but after my Pops passed, it took on a whole new meaning for me.  While some of the lyrics don't match up with my experience, the sentiment of the song absolutely does.

             "And he gave to me a gift I know, I never can repay."
 
            "His gentle means of sculpting souls took me years to understand."

            "I think you for the kindness and the times that you got tough...and Poppa I don't
            think I said 'I love you' near enough."

All lines that I relate to but none more than this simple line that 19 years later, rings more true than ever.

"My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man.  I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band."

Merry Christmas Pops.  I miss you and love you and thank you for all that you were and continue to be in my life.

One letter can change everything...

As most of you know, we made a trip to Iowa last week to spend time with Christie's family for Thanksgiving.  We left early Sunday morning right before the sun rose.  That is not something that I experience often as I am anything but an early riser.  As we were driving and the sun rose, I was amazed at how quickly it rose once it started.  I mentioned to Christie that it's even crazier when you remember that the sun is not moving, but we are, even though we don't feel the movement. 
On the trip home, we had an unexpected trip to the emergency room due to my inability to remember to drink any water at all over the holiday weekend.  Luckily everyone made it out of the situation alive and well and I realize that is worth being very grateful for....I do.  But it also made me think about how crappy much of 2013 has been.
Deaths of loved ones far too soon, tornado devastation, extremely poor personal decisions, cancer, car accidents, tickets, trips to the hospital.  A great deal has gone wrong this year.  But then again...I've got to see the power of love first hand....I've seen it surround a family as they pick up the pieces after losing everything in a tornado.  I've seen it surround a family who lost both their parents in a matter of days.  I've seen it surround a young lady who became a widow far far far too soon.  I've seen love shown to me when I didn't deserve it from my wife.  I've seen it in the friends that stepped up for Christie and I in the last year throughout these trials.  I've seen, maybe more than any other year that I can recall, the power that love and compassion have to restore and rebuild people and relationships.
I am a Christian but realize that many reading this may not be.  Doesn't matter one little bit in how I love you.  God can be many things to many people but to me, it is summed up with words like LOVE and COMPASSION.  I believe that God gave his Son so that we may know that love and compassion.
Which brings me back to where we begin this story.  As we drove that early Sunday morning, I thought about the sun. How with our limited perception it feels as though the sun moves around us....sometimes in sight and sometimes not.  Sometimes close and sometimes far away.  When in reality, it never moves, it is us that draw close and pull away. 

Then I changed a letter...
and the same thing applies with us and the Son. 

There have been times in the past year that I have felt far away from God....felt far away from love and compassion and grace.  But He was always there.  It was me that pulled away from what is always available and always present to us if we choose to open ourselves up.  And that realization my friends, is worth getting up early for...

Friendship Bracelets and Wedding Rings

Tomorrow, my family is heading to Tulsa for the wedding event of the year.  You see, my niece, Macy, is getting married this weekend.  I couldn't be more excited, but it's a little bittersweet for me.

You see Macy is one of my very most favorite people in the world...she has been from the moment I laid eyes on her.  I am the youngest child of two parents who were also youngest children.  On top of that I was a "surprise" so out of all our family, I was the youngest by a mile.  My brother and his lovely wife only had one child, which means she was the only niece or nephew I had.  I didn't have children of my own for a very long time and didn't have younger people even in our extended family until Macy showed up.  To say that I fell in love with her would be the world's biggest understatement.

Macy quickly became a little bit of everything to me.  At times, I felt like she was as close to a child as I would have....many times I felt like she was the little sister I would never actually have in my life. But always....ALWAYS, I loved her and looked forward to spending time with her.  When she was very small, she gave me a fluorescent bracelet that she won at Chuck E. Cheese and asked me to wear it.  I wore that thing for the better part of 4 or 5 years.  Yeah, it probably was strange to see a grown man wearing a fluorescent bracelet, but Macy asked me to do it, and I would do just about anything for her. 

Now she's about to put another piece of jewelry on  a guy, but this one is MUCH more significant.  She is getting married.  Macy is amazing.  I realize that I'm biased, but she is.  She is one of the most grounded people I know.   Macy has a huge heart and cares deeply about people.  I suppose her heart is the thing I'm the most proud of.  There are no words that will adequately relay to you the size of her heart or the way she cares for people.  At the core of who she is, there is a goodness that we are all born with but most lose over the years.  Macy hasn't lost that core goodness.  A large portion of that is undoubtedly her amazing parents and the way she was raised, but I believe a bigger portion of it is simply who she is.  Many people have to try and be nice...I think it comes very naturally to her.  Again, I well up with pride at the woman she has grown into.

Now here's an even more amazing part of the story.  I am actually pretty crazy over the guy she has chosen to spend her days with.  There was NOBODY that was going to be good enough for my niece in my eyes.  I would learn to put up with whomever she picked, but I certainly wouldn't think he was qualified enough to take care of my niece...But then I met Joel.  I can honestly say that I couldn't have hand picked a better dude than Joel for Macy.  Watching him interact with her is just great.  And it's not just her.  Watching him interact with my Mom, or my daughter, or anyone...The dude is classy.  And it's genuine, not a put on.  I remember when I first met him I thought he was very nice, but knew there would be another side of him once he was comfortable with the family.  I have yet to see the guy be anything other than a true gentleman to those around him...most importantly my niece.  And bonus Uncle points, he LOVES music and the Boston Celtics are his favorite basketball team.  Score!

I have no doubts about Joel and Macy and their ability to have a long lasting love.  Not a single doubt.  Seriously.  That's how great they are for each other.  I'd be more than willing to put my money on a life time of love.  I didn't say happiness because we all know that's fairy tale stuff. There absolutely will be struggle, and hard times and hurt. But I'm convinced their love is tailor suited for each other and will allow them to get through the "bad stuff" that comes to all of us in life. 

So this weekend, I get the opportunity to watch one of my most favorite and loved people in the world marry the man of her dreams.  I'm so blessed to get to watch these two become one.  I'm pretty sure I'll shed a tear when I see Macy in her wedding dress.  I'll be picturing the little girl that at one time wanted to marry me and wear her "life size Barbie" doll's dress and all the memories in between that time and now that have led to this most amazing day.  Outside of my own marriage and the potential of maybe seeing my daughter one day get married, there is absolutely not another person in the world I could be more happy for than Macy.  I can't wait!!! 

Stay off the grass?????

Yesterday I took Maddie to our neighborhood park.  It is a few blocks away and at the other end of a huge open grassy area. Along the grassy area is a sidewalk.  When Maddie and I got to the grassy area, she immediately said "Come on Daddy, let's go this way" and took off into the grass.  My initial response was to tell her to come back and walk on the sidewalk, which she did.  As we walked I started thinking about that sidewalk and Maddies desire to take the grass and I had a few revelations...So please allow me to share.

A sidewalk is a clear path with a known ending.  I know that if I stay on this path, I will get from point a to point b and know exactly how I will get there.  Little in the way of surprise or discovery. When I see a sidewalk, I almost always take it without even thinking.  I know that following the pavement will get me where I need with as little surprise as possible because I need to get where I'm going....the sooner the better.  But not Maddie.  What I didn't realize is that she saw the POSSIBILITY of the grass.  The discovery of what is "out there" excited her.  The idea of making her own path was freeing.  She wasn't so caught up in the destination. 

Somewhere along the way, we suffocate that sense of adventure that is so readily available in our children. At some point we get caught up in the destination and lose sight of the beauty of the journey.  We all end up taking the known way instead of striking out on a new path, unsure of what lies ahead, but excited to see what's around the corner.  My daughter was just wanting to enjoy the walk and the blessings that were all around us.  She was living in the moment...and there I was, without thinking, telling her to get on the sidewalk...don't take risks....just take the easy way.  That goes against just about everything I want for my daughter.

I stopped walking and told Maddie to lead the way...we were going the way she wanted to.  Of course she immediately went for the grass.  It took us about 5 minutes longer than it would have if we walked on the sidewalk.  We did a couple of circles....a few zig zags....and a couple of stops.  We saw a beetle walking through the grass and Maddie was captivated.  Lots of questions and giggles as she watched the little bug scurry around.  I have no doubt that the smile on my daughter's face was a little brighter than if we'd taken that old sidewalk.

We all get caught up in routines.  Without knowing it, we all get stuck in a life of ritual and "sameness".  If your life is boring or if you don't feel like there is anything new under the sun...my guess is that you have been on the sidewalk far too long.  What is in your "grass"?  A new job?  A trip to a new country?  Perhaps talking to someone new?  Maybe you'll realize that you are capable of more than you believe.  Maybe you'll find that life is still full of excitement and wonder...if you'll just get off the sidewalk.

The Eyes of a Child

Maddie is at an age where she just loves to call out everything she sees as we go down the road.  "RED LIGHT!"  "BIRD!"   "WATER!"  "MOMMY CAR! (Any white SUV)"....You get the point. 

Christie, Maddie and I were driving a couple of weeks ago. As we were driving down the road, we approached a factory, that looked much like the one pictured above.  Now my eyes saw a dirty, gross, factory.  A blemish on the landscape.  To tell you the truth, I barely noticed it.  It seems that we tend to block out the unsavory....ignore the less appealing parts of our world. But suddenly, from the back seat we hear a voice say "CASTLE!!!!"  Christie asked her to repeat herself, because we weren't 100% sure that's what we heard, nor were we expecting to hear that word in that moment.  "CASTLE!!!" again.  Christie being the smarter of the two adults in the truck, quickly was able to deduce that Maddie was talking about that big old ugly factory.  But it wasn't ugly at all in Maddie's eyes.

What Maddie was seeing was a big, beautiful place where most certainly a princess resided.  I mean, there had to be a princess living there right?  ALL of the castles she's known involved a princess of one kind or another. She didn't see the crud coming out of the top as pollution but pretty clouds....A cloud machine if you will.  And we all know that clouds are amazing things in the eyes of a child.  I know I would spend hours staring at clouds as a child, seeing what I could find in them. Clouds were an avenue to unlock my imagination.  It's only later that we equate clouds with darkness and gloom.  It's only later that clouds get in the way.  Funny, it seems like we are taught that our imagination gets in the way of reality along the way too.

Christie looked over at me and  made a face that portrayed a bittersweet feeling.  "One day she is going to see a factory and not a castle."  She was right.  One day it won't look as pretty.  One day it won't hold a princess.  One day her eyes will change and what she sees will be remarkably different.  No getting around it.  But man, do I want her to see those castles as long as she can.  And the coolest thing about the whole thing, was for the first time in MANY years...I think I saw a castle too.