Sunday will mark 19 years since my Father passed away. That is a LONG time. So much has happened. So much I wish I could share with him. When I went off to college in the early 90's, my musical taste changed quite a bit and I grew up a bit. I discovered singer-songwriters and fell in love with so much music that I never gave a chance to before. I'd heard many of these songs, but it was always my "parent's music", not something that I would choose.
One of the things I miss most about my Dad is how interested he was in my passion of music. I can remember sitting at the table with him asking me all kinds of details about some band that I liked. He asked me to make a copy of the first Guns 'N Roses album for him. He recorded hours of videos on the old VCR (ask your parents you young 'uns). He even wrote down the tape counter number for each video so you could easily get to that Aerosmith video if you wanted to.
He took such an interest in "my music" for so long and I think he was pretty excited when my musical taste broadened a bit and started getting into some of the music that he truly dug. Neil Young, Simon & Garfunkel, Dan Fogelberg...all of these artists were ones that my Dad and I shared. In October or November of 1994 Dan Fogelberg was going to play a concert at the Oklahoma City Civic Center. For my birthday, I had asked for a pair of tickets to go to the show...with my Dad.
Now concerts and my Dad were nothing new, but I had never been to a concert with him. You see, my parents were pretty hip. I started going to concerts in the 8th grade and had a few guys that I would go with to these shows. My Dad was often the parent that volunteered to drive my group of buddies from El Reno to Oklahoma City for the concert. He would drop us off and then just hang in the car until the show was over. We went to so many shows and 80% of the time, he was our accomplice. But actually going and watching a show together had never happened.
So he agreed and we were going to catch Dan Fogelberg together. Unfortunately right around the time of the concert, work got in the way, or he got sick, I can't recall the reasoning, but he had to back out of the concert at the last minute and I ended up going with a friend. It was a great concert and as cheesy as Fogelberg can be, he was great. Unfortunately just a few short weeks after the concert, my Dad passed away and I never had an opportunity to experience a concert with him.
19 years later and I work in the concert industry for a living. I make my living by doing the thing that my Dad enabled me to experience all of those years ago. He probably didn't realize in those trips to OKC that he was shaping my future in such a major way, but those trips meant everything to me...and the memories of those trips still do.
My favorite Dan Fogelberg song has always been "Leader of The Band" but after my Pops passed, it took on a whole new meaning for me. While some of the lyrics don't match up with my experience, the sentiment of the song absolutely does.
"And he gave to me a gift I know, I never can repay."
"His gentle means of sculpting souls took me years to understand."
"I think you for the kindness and the times that you got tough...and Poppa I don't
think I said 'I love you' near enough."
All lines that I relate to but none more than this simple line that 19 years later, rings more true than ever.
"My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man. I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band."
Merry Christmas Pops. I miss you and love you and thank you for all that you were and continue to be in my life.
As most of you know, we made a trip to Iowa last week to spend time with Christie's family for Thanksgiving. We left early Sunday morning right before the sun rose. That is not something that I experience often as I am anything but an early riser. As we were driving and the sun rose, I was amazed at how quickly it rose once it started. I mentioned to Christie that it's even crazier when you remember that the sun is not moving, but we are, even though we don't feel the movement.
On the trip home, we had an unexpected trip to the emergency room due to my inability to remember to drink any water at all over the holiday weekend. Luckily everyone made it out of the situation alive and well and I realize that is worth being very grateful for....I do. But it also made me think about how crappy much of 2013 has been.
Deaths of loved ones far too soon, tornado devastation, extremely poor personal decisions, cancer, car accidents, tickets, trips to the hospital. A great deal has gone wrong this year. But then again...I've got to see the power of love first hand....I've seen it surround a family as they pick up the pieces after losing everything in a tornado. I've seen it surround a family who lost both their parents in a matter of days. I've seen it surround a young lady who became a widow far far far too soon. I've seen love shown to me when I didn't deserve it from my wife. I've seen it in the friends that stepped up for Christie and I in the last year throughout these trials. I've seen, maybe more than any other year that I can recall, the power that love and compassion have to restore and rebuild people and relationships.
I am a Christian but realize that many reading this may not be. Doesn't matter one little bit in how I love you. God can be many things to many people but to me, it is summed up with words like LOVE and COMPASSION. I believe that God gave his Son so that we may know that love and compassion.
Which brings me back to where we begin this story. As we drove that early Sunday morning, I thought about the sun. How with our limited perception it feels as though the sun moves around us....sometimes in sight and sometimes not. Sometimes close and sometimes far away. When in reality, it never moves, it is us that draw close and pull away.
Then I changed a letter...
and the same thing applies with us and the Son.
There have been times in the past year that I have felt far away from God....felt far away from love and compassion and grace. But He was always there. It was me that pulled away from what is always available and always present to us if we choose to open ourselves up. And that realization my friends, is worth getting up early for...
Tomorrow, my family is heading to Tulsa for the wedding event of the year. You see, my niece, Macy, is getting married this weekend. I couldn't be more excited, but it's a little bittersweet for me.
You see Macy is one of my very most favorite people in the world...she has been from the moment I laid eyes on her. I am the youngest child of two parents who were also youngest children. On top of that I was a "surprise" so out of all our family, I was the youngest by a mile. My brother and his lovely wife only had one child, which means she was the only niece or nephew I had. I didn't have children of my own for a very long time and didn't have younger people even in our extended family until Macy showed up. To say that I fell in love with her would be the world's biggest understatement.
Macy quickly became a little bit of everything to me. At times, I felt like she was as close to a child as I would have....many times I felt like she was the little sister I would never actually have in my life. But always....ALWAYS, I loved her and looked forward to spending time with her. When she was very small, she gave me a fluorescent bracelet that she won at Chuck E. Cheese and asked me to wear it. I wore that thing for the better part of 4 or 5 years. Yeah, it probably was strange to see a grown man wearing a fluorescent bracelet, but Macy asked me to do it, and I would do just about anything for her.
Now she's about to put another piece of jewelry on a guy, but this one is MUCH more significant. She is getting married. Macy is amazing. I realize that I'm biased, but she is. She is one of the most grounded people I know. Macy has a huge heart and cares deeply about people. I suppose her heart is the thing I'm the most proud of. There are no words that will adequately relay to you the size of her heart or the way she cares for people. At the core of who she is, there is a goodness that we are all born with but most lose over the years. Macy hasn't lost that core goodness. A large portion of that is undoubtedly her amazing parents and the way she was raised, but I believe a bigger portion of it is simply who she is. Many people have to try and be nice...I think it comes very naturally to her. Again, I well up with pride at the woman she has grown into.
Now here's an even more amazing part of the story. I am actually pretty crazy over the guy she has chosen to spend her days with. There was NOBODY that was going to be good enough for my niece in my eyes. I would learn to put up with whomever she picked, but I certainly wouldn't think he was qualified enough to take care of my niece...But then I met Joel. I can honestly say that I couldn't have hand picked a better dude than Joel for Macy. Watching him interact with her is just great. And it's not just her. Watching him interact with my Mom, or my daughter, or anyone...The dude is classy. And it's genuine, not a put on. I remember when I first met him I thought he was very nice, but knew there would be another side of him once he was comfortable with the family. I have yet to see the guy be anything other than a true gentleman to those around him...most importantly my niece. And bonus Uncle points, he LOVES music and the Boston Celtics are his favorite basketball team. Score!
I have no doubts about Joel and Macy and their ability to have a long lasting love. Not a single doubt. Seriously. That's how great they are for each other. I'd be more than willing to put my money on a life time of love. I didn't say happiness because we all know that's fairy tale stuff. There absolutely will be struggle, and hard times and hurt. But I'm convinced their love is tailor suited for each other and will allow them to get through the "bad stuff" that comes to all of us in life.
So this weekend, I get the opportunity to watch one of my most favorite and loved people in the world marry the man of her dreams. I'm so blessed to get to watch these two become one. I'm pretty sure I'll shed a tear when I see Macy in her wedding dress. I'll be picturing the little girl that at one time wanted to marry me and wear her "life size Barbie" doll's dress and all the memories in between that time and now that have led to this most amazing day. Outside of my own marriage and the potential of maybe seeing my daughter one day get married, there is absolutely not another person in the world I could be more happy for than Macy. I can't wait!!!
Yesterday I took Maddie to our neighborhood park. It is a few blocks away and at the other end of a huge open grassy area. Along the grassy area is a sidewalk. When Maddie and I got to the grassy area, she immediately said "Come on Daddy, let's go this way" and took off into the grass. My initial response was to tell her to come back and walk on the sidewalk, which she did. As we walked I started thinking about that sidewalk and Maddies desire to take the grass and I had a few revelations...So please allow me to share.
A sidewalk is a clear path with a known ending. I know that if I stay on this path, I will get from point a to point b and know exactly how I will get there. Little in the way of surprise or discovery. When I see a sidewalk, I almost always take it without even thinking. I know that following the pavement will get me where I need with as little surprise as possible because I need to get where I'm going....the sooner the better. But not Maddie. What I didn't realize is that she saw the POSSIBILITY of the grass. The discovery of what is "out there" excited her. The idea of making her own path was freeing. She wasn't so caught up in the destination.
Somewhere along the way, we suffocate that sense of adventure that is so readily available in our children. At some point we get caught up in the destination and lose sight of the beauty of the journey. We all end up taking the known way instead of striking out on a new path, unsure of what lies ahead, but excited to see what's around the corner. My daughter was just wanting to enjoy the walk and the blessings that were all around us. She was living in the moment...and there I was, without thinking, telling her to get on the sidewalk...don't take risks....just take the easy way. That goes against just about everything I want for my daughter.
I stopped walking and told Maddie to lead the way...we were going the way she wanted to. Of course she immediately went for the grass. It took us about 5 minutes longer than it would have if we walked on the sidewalk. We did a couple of circles....a few zig zags....and a couple of stops. We saw a beetle walking through the grass and Maddie was captivated. Lots of questions and giggles as she watched the little bug scurry around. I have no doubt that the smile on my daughter's face was a little brighter than if we'd taken that old sidewalk.
We all get caught up in routines. Without knowing it, we all get stuck in a life of ritual and "sameness". If your life is boring or if you don't feel like there is anything new under the sun...my guess is that you have been on the sidewalk far too long. What is in your "grass"? A new job? A trip to a new country? Perhaps talking to someone new? Maybe you'll realize that you are capable of more than you believe. Maybe you'll find that life is still full of excitement and wonder...if you'll just get off the sidewalk.
Maddie is at an age where she just loves to call out everything she sees as we go down the road. "RED LIGHT!" "BIRD!" "WATER!" "MOMMY CAR! (Any white SUV)"....You get the point.
Christie, Maddie and I were driving a couple of weeks ago. As we were driving down the road, we approached a factory, that looked much like the one pictured above. Now my eyes saw a dirty, gross, factory. A blemish on the landscape. To tell you the truth, I barely noticed it. It seems that we tend to block out the unsavory....ignore the less appealing parts of our world. But suddenly, from the back seat we hear a voice say "CASTLE!!!!" Christie asked her to repeat herself, because we weren't 100% sure that's what we heard, nor were we expecting to hear that word in that moment. "CASTLE!!!" again. Christie being the smarter of the two adults in the truck, quickly was able to deduce that Maddie was talking about that big old ugly factory. But it wasn't ugly at all in Maddie's eyes.
What Maddie was seeing was a big, beautiful place where most certainly a princess resided. I mean, there had to be a princess living there right? ALL of the castles she's known involved a princess of one kind or another. She didn't see the crud coming out of the top as pollution but pretty clouds....A cloud machine if you will. And we all know that clouds are amazing things in the eyes of a child. I know I would spend hours staring at clouds as a child, seeing what I could find in them. Clouds were an avenue to unlock my imagination. It's only later that we equate clouds with darkness and gloom. It's only later that clouds get in the way. Funny, it seems like we are taught that our imagination gets in the way of reality along the way too.
Christie looked over at me and made a face that portrayed a bittersweet feeling. "One day she is going to see a factory and not a castle." She was right. One day it won't look as pretty. One day it won't hold a princess. One day her eyes will change and what she sees will be remarkably different. No getting around it. But man, do I want her to see those castles as long as she can. And the coolest thing about the whole thing, was for the first time in MANY years...I think I saw a castle too.
Every year I try to take a look back at the last year of music and figure out what my favorites of the last 12 months were. It's usually quite easy for me to determine my very top 1 or 2 albums, but after that, I can never accurately rank these things. So here are the 10 albums that came out in 2012 that I've enjoyed the most, in no particular order unless I've given it an actual rank.
Walking Papers - Walking Papers
Walking Papers is a new band from Seattle. Barrett Martin is the driving force behind this band. Some of you may recognize his name from his time in The Screaming Trees, a highly underrated Seattle band from back in the day. Filling out the group is Jeff Angell on vocals, Benjamin Anderson on keyboards, and the mighty Duff McKagan on bass. This album was mixed by the legendary Jack Endino and features some tasty guitar playing from Mike McCready of a little band called Pearl Jam. This album has been my most listened to for the last month and it continues to grow on me. Here's a taste...
Van Halen - A Different Kind Of Truth
Probably the most pleasantly suprising album of the year. No one had any right to expect this album to be as good as it is. Diamond Dave hasn't done anything memorable musically in years and the Van Halen brothers, and more to the point, Eddie, has been a train wreck for the majority of the last decade. This album had been talked about for a couple of years and word wasn't opptimistic. Different producers, issues internally, etc., etc. But lo' and behold it came out this year and is a blast. The fact that they chose the worst song on the album, "Tattoo", as the first single meant many didn't give this a chance, but this is as close to classic Van Halen as you're going to get in the year 2012...and it's pretty damn close. Here's a taste...
The Darkness - Hot Cakes
Yep...the Darkness. The "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" band. First of all, this has to be the best album cover of the year. Hot chicks on "hot cakes" covered in syrup. Doesn't get much more rock n' roll than that. I wasn't a huge fan of the Darkness there first go around. Found them a bit hokey and Justin Hawkins vocals weren't my bag. They broke up for a bit while he struggled with drug and drink and they all struggled with maintaining any sort of relevance. They reconvened and this is the result. This is the perfect 5 o'clock on a Friday and driving away from the office album. Nothing new here musically and some pretty juvenile lyrics, but so much fun. The suprise here is there totally rockin' cover of Radiohead's "Street Spirit" which, dare I say, is better than the original. Also, the Queen inspired vocals are better than ever. Here's a taste...
Coheed and Cambria - The Afterman: Ascension
Coheed are back with another great album. "Year Of The Black Rainbow", while good, was not great and the very public issues that resulted from their bass player going "off the reservation" left me less than hopeful that they would return to their previous greatness. This is part one of a two part concept album that fits in the ever grander concept that has run throughout all of their albums. Josh Eppard has returned on drums and finds them looser than they've been in years. It's all over in a relatively quick 40 minutes, but leaves you wanting more. Claudio has outdone himself. "Domino The Destitute" is simply amazing. Here's a taste...
Rush -Clockwork Angels
These guys defy any reasonable expectations by seemingly getting better with every passing year. This album is the best thing they've done in years, which is saying something as they've consistently put out great music longer than most of you bothering to read this have been alive. This album rocks as hard as anything they've done with songs like "Carnies" and "Headlong Flight". Flip the coin and you have the beauty of a song like "The Garden" or "Halo Effect". Just greatness from start to finish. Here's a taste...
Foxy Shazam - The Church Of Rock and Rock and Roll
You MUST see this band live. Absolutely the most entertaining band you will see in concert. Eric Sean Nally, their lead singer is as flamboyant as Freddie Mercury but as unpredictable as Iggy Pop in his glory days. This album was produced by Justin Hawkins of The Darkness and the sound is thick and glorious. If "I Like It" doesn't make you move, you have no heartbeat. The group vocals of Queen with the monster drum sound of Zeppelin put together to make the best dance record you aren't dancing to. These guys should be huge. Here's a taste...
Gary Clark Jr. -Blak and Blu
Gary Clark Jr. is a guy that has had a ton of buzz surrounding his name for awhile. From Austin, he's gained a reputation as an incredible guitar player and known for his amazing performances. This is his first major label album and, for the most part, doesn't disappoint. I would say this feels less like an "album" and more like a collection of songs. There has definitely been some "polish" added to his music and while I prefer the more raw sounds of his previous ep's, there is no denying the songwriting and playing throughout. And for the record, my 2 year old's favorite "grown up" song of the year is "Travis County"...she loves singing the "Woo ooo ooo" parts. Great stuff. Here's a taste...just for Maddie.
3. Baroness - Yellow & Green
A truly epic album and statement from Baroness. Many of their fans have voiced some negativity regarding the expansion of Baroness' sound to include more melodic touches and instrumentation, but this seems like a natural progression to my ears and makes for a magical album. The album is split into two pieces, the "Yellow" portion and the "Green" portion. The "Green" side contains the songs that are getting the most attention for going into left field. The acoustic solo in "Mtns" is exquisite and the experimentation in "Collapse" is refreshing and makes for a more diverse listening experience. This thing is deep and I still find myself uncovering little nuggets of goodness with each listen. Here's a taste...
2. Flying Colors -Flying Colors
A progressive super group of sorts. Dave LaRue from the Dixie Dregs, Steve Morse of the Dregs and Deep Purple, Neal Morse of Spock's Beard and solo work, Casey McPherson of Austin's Endochine and Alpha Rev and the incomparable Mike Portnoy got together to make an exquisite album. There is more pop song structure and melodic goodness then what you would expect from this group and I believe it all leads back to McPherson. While he is the least known of the collective, he also has a foot firmly planted in pop music and that does nothing but make this prog-ish album more concise and catchy. For my money, the best song of the year is "The Storm". Here's a taste....
1. Slash - Apocalyptic Love
I'm as suprised as you are. I've got some loyalty to Slash and more than anything that was what caused me to buy this disc. Yet, it keeps finding its' way back into my regular rotation and sounds just as great as the first time I heard it. There is absolutely nothing groundbreaking here, but what you will find is straight up rock and roll done exceptionally well. Myles Kennedy is a phenomonal vocalist who takes already great songs and elevates them to another level completely. This thing is better than anything Slash has had his hands on since Appetite. For real. Better than Velvet Revolver. Better than his previous solo work. BETTER THAN EITHER OF THE USE YOUR ILLUSION ALBUMS. There. I said it. This album is a perfect 10 and is without question my number one album of 2012. Here's a taste...
The other day Christie, Maddie and I were playing and Maddie fell down and scraped her toe. She started crying and immediately passed me by to get to her Mom. I have to be honest and say there was a small part of me that wished she would have wanted to come to me to make her feel better, but then I remembered the magic of Mom's.
You see, I always thought that my Mom was magical, but witnessing first hand that my daughter went to Christie for comfort, I started to think that the powers that my Mom has are nothing special, as it appears that it is a common trait of all mothers. Maybe my Mom was no different than your Mom or anyone else's.
The whole train of thought made me really think about my Mom and whether she really was as magical as I believe, or just the extremely biased views of a loving son. Sure, she has been there to pick me up more times than I could even try to count. She has sacrificed most of her life to give my brother and I so much, both in the material sense but also the emotional sense. I think of all the times she believed in me when I had no belief in myself. Yep, that's all magical to me, but what about to the rest of the world?
Then I thought about a Christmas years and years ago. I was probably in Jr. High at the time. We had some neighbors that might have been struggling financially but were extremely proud and would not accept assitance. So Mom went out and bought a whole Christmas dinner...turkey, dressing, the whole lot. I remember setting it on their porch, ringing the doorbell and running to hide. I remember looking from behind a parked car as they opened the door and stood in amazement as they looked upon the food that was left for them.
I thought about the fact that my Mom with a few other ladies gets birthday dates from the local nursing home and they get a cake and a few small gifts and show up to celebrate a complete stranger's birthday. Spending time with people that most of society has choosen to forget. Letting these people know that they are not forgotten and are still loved.
I thought about the Christmas that my Dad died. My Pops died on Thursday, December 22. It's impossible to get a funeral arranged in 24 hours, so you do the math. That's right, we had to go through Christmas, knowing that we still had to bury my Father. If it was up to me, we would have not celebrated Christmas that year. It should have been the worst Christmas ever...and in many ways, it was. But I think about my Mom putting her foot down and letting her family know in no uncertain terms that we WOULD be celebrating Christmas. In retrospect, some of my most treasured Christmas memories come from that difficult season. All because my Mom understood the importance of going through it even if we didn't want to.
I thought about how now that she's retired, she has told me on at least a half dozen occasions that she went to a funeral at the church of someone she may not have even known personally, but she just wanted to make sure that there were people there. She told me how blessed she felt to have so many present for my Dad's funeral and the least she can do is repay that to other's who may be going through loss.
I thought about the fact that my Mom probably keeps Hallmark in business. There is a good chance that if you're reading this, you've gotten a card, or 20 from my Mom. My friends tell me often about getting a card in the mail from my Mom and I've heard that story from so many people. She loves to let people know she is thinking of them and it amazes me how many people she does this for.
I came to the conclusion that my Mom IS magical. Sure all Mother's have a certain magic with their kids and that is amazing and beautiful and sent from God. And my Mom has that "Mother Magic"....but I truly believe that her magic transcends the "Mother Magic" and is felt by so many people. The neighbors who got a mysterious Christmas dinner, the elderly folks who had a stranger show up to celebrate their birthday, the people who are mourning the loss of a loved one that look over their shoulder to see my Mom paying respects, the countless people that receive cards for birthdays, holidays and special occasions. It's pretty obvious that it is no trick of light nor slight of hand. My Mom is amazing.
Tomorrow is her birthday and I thought it might be a good time to share with the people in my world how blessed I am to have the Mom that I do. I'm so happy to get to celebrate another birthday with her and know the next year will continue to be magical for all that are priviledged to be loved by her.
