Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin into the future

Anyone that has followed me on Facebook, or been on the receiving end of an email or greeting card of some kind, knows that I am someone who enjoys words.  As I close in on my 40th birthday and as I watch my daughter grow, I've become even more sentimental and more aware of how great this life is and how quickly it moves.  In an effort to try and capture some of these moments and thoughts as they speed by, I've decided to start a blog.  I think the whole idea of blogging can be a bit narcissistic.  So please know that I don't think that my perspective on life is particularly groundbreaking or wise or special.  However, I do have a couple of people in my world that for whatever reason, seem to value my thoughts.  Granted, most of them are related by blood or bound by law to have to root for me, but nonetheless...
I am going to assume if you are reading this, that you already know me and most of my story, so I'm not going to "set you up", I'm just going to dive into where I am today and my thoughts as they hit me.

Recently, I feel like I'm being hit in the face with reminders of how fragile we are, of how quickly life can change, of how fast it all goes by.  One of my best friends is currently battling brain cancer, another just found out that his sister has breast cancer.  Dick Clark, who I was convinced simply did not age, passes away.  The anniversary of the Murrah bombing.  My 40th birthday on the horizon.  All of these things remind me of how blessed most of us are, and certainly how blessed I've been.

I also am, for maybe the first time in my life, starting to feel a bit of the crush of time.  Aware of the fact that my life is speeding by so quickly and perhaps I'm reaching the top of the ride.  I realize that probably sounds a bit mellodramatic and perhaps it is.  My Dad passed away at 53.  While I'd like to think that I'm in better health than he was, I constantly think about his passing and compare it to my life.  If I live as long as my Dad did, I'm well past middle age.  Sobering thought.  Heck if Dick Clark, a man who seemed immune to aging dies at 82 and I live to be that age, then I am cresting the top of the hill of my life.

How did I get here?  Entering "middle age" seems impossible to me.  Just yesterday I was at the El Reno Municipal Pool spending countless summer days doing a bunch of not much and generally being care free.  In the blink of an eye it's passed.  What have I done with my life up to this point and am I content with the way I've spent my days?

I look at my beautiful wife and most amazing daughter and I'm amazed at how lucky I am.  I think about how much I love my job and the people that surround me and I'm certainly content with where I am.  Yet, I look back and mourn missed opportunites.  Chances I didn't take.  Days I've "wasted" that are never to come again. Man there is so much I think I would have liked to have done or changed.  But then I stop and realize that if I had done anything different.  If I had made one different choice, spent one day doing something other than what I did, my current reality could be completely changed. 

A changed present is something I'm not willing to bargain.  Those of you that have known me for any length of time know that I spent a LONG time in the "wilderness".  I spent a long time looking for happiness, looking for myself, looking for peace.  I'm not sure that I believed that life could be as good as it currently it is.  Yet here I am....content, mostly at peace, loved.  I'm convinced that all of that searching, every horrible decision I made (and I've made a ton), every hurdle that I fell over it all led me to this very moment.  How can I be anything other than thankful?  How can I regret a single moment?  How can I wish for anything different than what was? 

I can't and won't.  I love my life.  Truly.  So bring on "middle age".  Let me crest the hill.  If the result of the second half is anywhere near as good as the results of my first half have been, then I will indeed have led a "charmed life"... And having a full head of hair is overrated.  I'm holding on for the ride.