Friendship Bracelets and Wedding Rings

Tomorrow, my family is heading to Tulsa for the wedding event of the year.  You see, my niece, Macy, is getting married this weekend.  I couldn't be more excited, but it's a little bittersweet for me.

You see Macy is one of my very most favorite people in the world...she has been from the moment I laid eyes on her.  I am the youngest child of two parents who were also youngest children.  On top of that I was a "surprise" so out of all our family, I was the youngest by a mile.  My brother and his lovely wife only had one child, which means she was the only niece or nephew I had.  I didn't have children of my own for a very long time and didn't have younger people even in our extended family until Macy showed up.  To say that I fell in love with her would be the world's biggest understatement.

Macy quickly became a little bit of everything to me.  At times, I felt like she was as close to a child as I would have....many times I felt like she was the little sister I would never actually have in my life. But always....ALWAYS, I loved her and looked forward to spending time with her.  When she was very small, she gave me a fluorescent bracelet that she won at Chuck E. Cheese and asked me to wear it.  I wore that thing for the better part of 4 or 5 years.  Yeah, it probably was strange to see a grown man wearing a fluorescent bracelet, but Macy asked me to do it, and I would do just about anything for her. 

Now she's about to put another piece of jewelry on  a guy, but this one is MUCH more significant.  She is getting married.  Macy is amazing.  I realize that I'm biased, but she is.  She is one of the most grounded people I know.   Macy has a huge heart and cares deeply about people.  I suppose her heart is the thing I'm the most proud of.  There are no words that will adequately relay to you the size of her heart or the way she cares for people.  At the core of who she is, there is a goodness that we are all born with but most lose over the years.  Macy hasn't lost that core goodness.  A large portion of that is undoubtedly her amazing parents and the way she was raised, but I believe a bigger portion of it is simply who she is.  Many people have to try and be nice...I think it comes very naturally to her.  Again, I well up with pride at the woman she has grown into.

Now here's an even more amazing part of the story.  I am actually pretty crazy over the guy she has chosen to spend her days with.  There was NOBODY that was going to be good enough for my niece in my eyes.  I would learn to put up with whomever she picked, but I certainly wouldn't think he was qualified enough to take care of my niece...But then I met Joel.  I can honestly say that I couldn't have hand picked a better dude than Joel for Macy.  Watching him interact with her is just great.  And it's not just her.  Watching him interact with my Mom, or my daughter, or anyone...The dude is classy.  And it's genuine, not a put on.  I remember when I first met him I thought he was very nice, but knew there would be another side of him once he was comfortable with the family.  I have yet to see the guy be anything other than a true gentleman to those around him...most importantly my niece.  And bonus Uncle points, he LOVES music and the Boston Celtics are his favorite basketball team.  Score!

I have no doubts about Joel and Macy and their ability to have a long lasting love.  Not a single doubt.  Seriously.  That's how great they are for each other.  I'd be more than willing to put my money on a life time of love.  I didn't say happiness because we all know that's fairy tale stuff. There absolutely will be struggle, and hard times and hurt. But I'm convinced their love is tailor suited for each other and will allow them to get through the "bad stuff" that comes to all of us in life. 

So this weekend, I get the opportunity to watch one of my most favorite and loved people in the world marry the man of her dreams.  I'm so blessed to get to watch these two become one.  I'm pretty sure I'll shed a tear when I see Macy in her wedding dress.  I'll be picturing the little girl that at one time wanted to marry me and wear her "life size Barbie" doll's dress and all the memories in between that time and now that have led to this most amazing day.  Outside of my own marriage and the potential of maybe seeing my daughter one day get married, there is absolutely not another person in the world I could be more happy for than Macy.  I can't wait!!! 

Stay off the grass?????

Yesterday I took Maddie to our neighborhood park.  It is a few blocks away and at the other end of a huge open grassy area. Along the grassy area is a sidewalk.  When Maddie and I got to the grassy area, she immediately said "Come on Daddy, let's go this way" and took off into the grass.  My initial response was to tell her to come back and walk on the sidewalk, which she did.  As we walked I started thinking about that sidewalk and Maddies desire to take the grass and I had a few revelations...So please allow me to share.

A sidewalk is a clear path with a known ending.  I know that if I stay on this path, I will get from point a to point b and know exactly how I will get there.  Little in the way of surprise or discovery. When I see a sidewalk, I almost always take it without even thinking.  I know that following the pavement will get me where I need with as little surprise as possible because I need to get where I'm going....the sooner the better.  But not Maddie.  What I didn't realize is that she saw the POSSIBILITY of the grass.  The discovery of what is "out there" excited her.  The idea of making her own path was freeing.  She wasn't so caught up in the destination. 

Somewhere along the way, we suffocate that sense of adventure that is so readily available in our children. At some point we get caught up in the destination and lose sight of the beauty of the journey.  We all end up taking the known way instead of striking out on a new path, unsure of what lies ahead, but excited to see what's around the corner.  My daughter was just wanting to enjoy the walk and the blessings that were all around us.  She was living in the moment...and there I was, without thinking, telling her to get on the sidewalk...don't take risks....just take the easy way.  That goes against just about everything I want for my daughter.

I stopped walking and told Maddie to lead the way...we were going the way she wanted to.  Of course she immediately went for the grass.  It took us about 5 minutes longer than it would have if we walked on the sidewalk.  We did a couple of circles....a few zig zags....and a couple of stops.  We saw a beetle walking through the grass and Maddie was captivated.  Lots of questions and giggles as she watched the little bug scurry around.  I have no doubt that the smile on my daughter's face was a little brighter than if we'd taken that old sidewalk.

We all get caught up in routines.  Without knowing it, we all get stuck in a life of ritual and "sameness".  If your life is boring or if you don't feel like there is anything new under the sun...my guess is that you have been on the sidewalk far too long.  What is in your "grass"?  A new job?  A trip to a new country?  Perhaps talking to someone new?  Maybe you'll realize that you are capable of more than you believe.  Maybe you'll find that life is still full of excitement and wonder...if you'll just get off the sidewalk.

The Eyes of a Child

Maddie is at an age where she just loves to call out everything she sees as we go down the road.  "RED LIGHT!"  "BIRD!"   "WATER!"  "MOMMY CAR! (Any white SUV)"....You get the point. 

Christie, Maddie and I were driving a couple of weeks ago. As we were driving down the road, we approached a factory, that looked much like the one pictured above.  Now my eyes saw a dirty, gross, factory.  A blemish on the landscape.  To tell you the truth, I barely noticed it.  It seems that we tend to block out the unsavory....ignore the less appealing parts of our world. But suddenly, from the back seat we hear a voice say "CASTLE!!!!"  Christie asked her to repeat herself, because we weren't 100% sure that's what we heard, nor were we expecting to hear that word in that moment.  "CASTLE!!!" again.  Christie being the smarter of the two adults in the truck, quickly was able to deduce that Maddie was talking about that big old ugly factory.  But it wasn't ugly at all in Maddie's eyes.

What Maddie was seeing was a big, beautiful place where most certainly a princess resided.  I mean, there had to be a princess living there right?  ALL of the castles she's known involved a princess of one kind or another. She didn't see the crud coming out of the top as pollution but pretty clouds....A cloud machine if you will.  And we all know that clouds are amazing things in the eyes of a child.  I know I would spend hours staring at clouds as a child, seeing what I could find in them. Clouds were an avenue to unlock my imagination.  It's only later that we equate clouds with darkness and gloom.  It's only later that clouds get in the way.  Funny, it seems like we are taught that our imagination gets in the way of reality along the way too.

Christie looked over at me and  made a face that portrayed a bittersweet feeling.  "One day she is going to see a factory and not a castle."  She was right.  One day it won't look as pretty.  One day it won't hold a princess.  One day her eyes will change and what she sees will be remarkably different.  No getting around it.  But man, do I want her to see those castles as long as she can.  And the coolest thing about the whole thing, was for the first time in MANY years...I think I saw a castle too. 

Best Of 2012

Every year I try to take a look back at the last year of music and figure out what my favorites of the last 12 months were.  It's usually quite easy for me to determine my very top 1 or 2 albums, but after that, I can never accurately rank these things.  So here are the 10 albums that came out in 2012 that I've enjoyed the most, in no particular order unless I've given it an actual rank. 


Walking Papers - Walking Papers

Walking Papers is a new band from Seattle.  Barrett Martin is the driving force behind this band.  Some of you may recognize his name from his time in The Screaming Trees, a highly underrated Seattle band from back in the day.  Filling out the group is Jeff Angell on vocals, Benjamin Anderson on keyboards, and the mighty Duff McKagan on bass.  This album was mixed by the legendary Jack Endino and features some tasty guitar playing from Mike McCready of a little band called Pearl Jam.  This album has been my most listened to for the last month and it continues to grow on me.  Here's a taste...

Van Halen - A Different Kind Of Truth

Probably the most pleasantly suprising album of the year.  No one had any right to expect this album to be as good as it is.  Diamond Dave hasn't done anything memorable musically in years and the Van Halen brothers, and more to the point, Eddie, has been a train wreck for the majority of the last decade.  This album had been talked about for a couple of years and word wasn't opptimistic.  Different producers, issues internally, etc., etc.  But lo' and behold it came out this year and is a blast.  The fact that they chose the worst song on the album, "Tattoo", as the first single meant many didn't give this a chance, but this is as close to classic Van Halen as you're going to get in the year 2012...and it's pretty damn close.  Here's a taste...

The Darkness - Hot Cakes

Yep...the Darkness.  The "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" band. First of all, this has to be the best album cover of the year.  Hot chicks on "hot cakes" covered in syrup.  Doesn't get much more rock n' roll than that. I wasn't a huge fan of the Darkness there first go around.  Found them a bit hokey and Justin Hawkins vocals weren't my bag.  They broke up for a bit while he struggled with drug and drink and they all struggled with maintaining any sort of relevance.  They reconvened and this is the result.  This is the perfect 5 o'clock on a Friday and driving away from the office album.  Nothing new here musically and some pretty juvenile lyrics, but so much fun.  The suprise here is there totally rockin' cover of Radiohead's "Street Spirit" which, dare I say, is better than the original.  Also, the Queen inspired vocals are better than ever.  Here's a taste...

Coheed and Cambria - The Afterman: Ascension

Coheed are back with another great album.  "Year Of The Black Rainbow", while good, was not great and the very public issues that resulted from their bass player going "off the reservation" left me less than hopeful that they would return to their previous greatness. This is part one of a two part concept album that fits in the ever grander concept that has run throughout all of their albums.  Josh Eppard has returned on drums and finds them looser than they've been in years. It's all over in a relatively quick 40 minutes, but leaves you wanting more.  Claudio has outdone himself.  "Domino The Destitute" is simply amazing.  Here's a taste...

Rush -Clockwork Angels














These guys defy any reasonable expectations by seemingly getting better with every passing year.  This album is the best thing they've done in years, which is saying something as they've consistently put out great music longer than most of you bothering to read this have been alive. This album rocks as hard as anything they've done with songs like "Carnies" and "Headlong Flight".  Flip the coin and you have the beauty of a song like "The Garden" or "Halo Effect".  Just greatness from start to finish.  Here's a taste...

Foxy Shazam - The Church Of Rock and Rock and Roll

You MUST see this band live.  Absolutely the most entertaining band you will see in concert.  Eric Sean Nally, their lead singer is as flamboyant as Freddie Mercury but as unpredictable as Iggy Pop in his glory days.  This album was produced by Justin Hawkins of The Darkness and the sound is thick and glorious.  If "I Like It" doesn't make you move, you have no heartbeat.  The group vocals of Queen with the monster drum sound of Zeppelin put together to make the best dance record you aren't dancing to.  These guys should be huge. Here's a taste...

Gary Clark Jr. -Blak and Blu

Gary Clark Jr. is a guy that has had a ton of buzz surrounding his name for awhile.  From Austin, he's gained a reputation as an incredible guitar player and known for his amazing performances.  This is his first major label album and, for the most part, doesn't disappoint.  I would say this feels less like an "album" and more like a collection of songs.  There has definitely been some "polish" added to his music and while I prefer the more raw sounds of his previous ep's, there is no denying the songwriting and playing throughout.  And for the record, my 2 year old's favorite "grown up" song of the year is "Travis County"...she loves singing the "Woo ooo ooo" parts.  Great stuff. Here's a taste...just for Maddie.

3. Baroness - Yellow & Green

A truly epic album and statement from Baroness.  Many of their fans have voiced some negativity regarding the expansion of Baroness' sound to include more melodic touches and instrumentation, but this seems like a natural progression to my ears and makes for a magical album.  The album is split into two pieces, the "Yellow" portion and the "Green" portion.  The "Green" side contains the songs that are getting the most attention for going into left field.  The acoustic solo in "Mtns" is exquisite and the experimentation in "Collapse" is refreshing and makes for a more diverse listening experience.  This thing is deep and I still find myself uncovering little nuggets of goodness with each listen.  Here's a taste...

2. Flying Colors  -Flying Colors

A progressive super group of sorts.  Dave LaRue from the Dixie Dregs, Steve Morse of the Dregs and Deep Purple, Neal Morse of Spock's Beard and solo work, Casey McPherson of Austin's Endochine and Alpha Rev and the incomparable Mike Portnoy got together to make an exquisite album.  There is more pop song structure and melodic goodness then what you would expect from this group and I believe it all leads back to McPherson.  While he is the least known of the collective, he also has a foot firmly planted in pop music and that does nothing but make this prog-ish album more concise and catchy.  For my money, the best song of the year is "The Storm".  Here's a taste....

1. Slash - Apocalyptic Love

I'm as suprised as you are.  I've got some loyalty to Slash and more than anything that was what caused me to buy this disc.  Yet, it keeps finding its' way back into my regular rotation and sounds just as great as the first time I heard it.  There is absolutely nothing groundbreaking here, but what you will find is straight up rock and roll done exceptionally well.  Myles Kennedy is a phenomonal vocalist who takes already great songs and elevates them to another level completely.  This thing is better than anything Slash has had his hands on since Appetite.  For real.  Better than Velvet Revolver.  Better than his previous solo work.  BETTER THAN EITHER OF THE USE YOUR ILLUSION ALBUMS.  There.  I said it.  This album is a perfect 10 and is without question my number one album of 2012.  Here's a taste...

The Magic of Mom

The other day Christie, Maddie and I were playing and Maddie fell down and scraped her toe.  She started crying and immediately passed me by to get to her Mom. I have to be honest and say there was a small part of me that wished she would have wanted to come to me to make her feel better, but then I remembered the magic of Mom's. 

You see, I always thought that my Mom was magical, but witnessing first hand that my daughter went to Christie for comfort, I started to think that the powers that my Mom has are nothing special, as it appears that it is a common trait of all mothers.  Maybe my Mom was no different than your Mom or anyone else's. 

The whole train of thought made me really think about my Mom and whether she really was as magical as I believe, or just the extremely biased views of a loving son.  Sure, she has been there to pick me up more times than I could even try to count.  She has sacrificed most of her life to give my brother and I so much, both in the material sense but also the emotional sense.  I think of all the times she believed in me when I had no belief in myself.  Yep, that's all magical to me, but what about to the rest of the world?

Then I thought about a Christmas years and years ago.  I was probably in Jr. High at the time.  We had some neighbors that might have been struggling financially but were extremely proud and would not accept assitance.  So Mom went out and bought a whole Christmas dinner...turkey, dressing, the whole lot.  I remember setting it on their porch, ringing the doorbell and running to hide.  I remember looking from behind a parked car as they opened the door and stood in amazement as they looked upon the food that was left for them. 

I thought about the fact that my Mom with a few other ladies gets birthday dates from the local nursing home and they get a cake and a few small gifts and show up to celebrate a complete stranger's birthday. Spending time with people that most of society has choosen to forget.  Letting these people know that they are not forgotten and are still loved.

I thought about the Christmas that my Dad died.  My Pops died on Thursday, December 22.  It's impossible to get a funeral arranged in 24 hours, so you do the math.  That's right, we had to go through Christmas, knowing that we still had to bury my Father.  If it was up to me, we would have not celebrated Christmas that year.  It should have been the worst Christmas ever...and in many ways, it was.  But I think about my Mom putting her foot down and letting her family know in no uncertain terms that we WOULD be celebrating Christmas.  In retrospect, some of my most treasured Christmas memories come from that difficult season.  All because my Mom understood the importance of going through it even if we didn't want to.

I thought about how now that she's retired, she has told me on at least a half dozen occasions that she went to a funeral at the church of someone she may not have even known personally, but she just wanted to make sure that there were people there.  She told me how blessed she felt to have so many present for my Dad's funeral and the least she can do is repay that to other's who may be going through loss.

I thought about the fact that my Mom probably keeps Hallmark in business.  There is a good chance that if you're reading this, you've gotten a card, or 20 from my Mom.  My friends tell me often about getting a card in the mail from my Mom and I've heard that story from so many people.  She loves to let people know she is thinking of them and it amazes me how many people she does this for.

I came to the conclusion that my Mom IS magical.  Sure all Mother's have a certain magic with their kids and that is amazing and beautiful and sent from God.  And my Mom has that "Mother Magic"....but I truly believe that her magic transcends the "Mother Magic" and is felt by so many people.  The neighbors who got a mysterious Christmas dinner, the elderly folks who had a stranger show up to celebrate their birthday, the people who are mourning the loss of a loved one that look over their shoulder to see my Mom paying respects, the countless people that receive cards for birthdays, holidays and special occasions.  It's pretty obvious that it is no trick of light nor slight of hand.  My Mom is amazing.

Tomorrow is her birthday and I thought it might be a good time to share with the people in my world how blessed I am to have the Mom that I do.  I'm so happy to get to celebrate another birthday with her and know the next year will continue to be magical for all that are priviledged to be loved by her.

The wonder of Underwear....

This morning as Christie and I were getting around and preparing for another day of work I noticed something quite peculiar.  Christie already had on her dress and her shoes....and walked over to our dresser and pulled out a pair of underwear and proceed to put them on.  "Wow", I thought....I've never, ever put my underwear on last. That is something that I would never do, not because I think it's wrong, but just because in all my years on this rock, it's never even crossed my mind.  Which then made me think of all the ways that Christie is different than me and it was revelatory.

Anyone that knows me knows that I'm an emotional guy.  Unlike most guys, I operate from an emotional center.  My emotions, for better or worse, lead the way in most of my life.  Christie, however, is someone that is fact based.  She is able to make decisions based on the facts that are present and able to do so without allowing emotion to enter, most of the time.  I think it's amazing and I often come to her and run something past her, because I'm aware that my emotions sometimes lead me astray and always appreciate that Christie can provide me with a rational view of whatever situation I may be facing. 

I've been called "cheap" before. More than once.  I prefer to think of it as "cost conscientous", but whatever.  I can be a little tight with money.  Whenever something is needed I always see the item as a dollar sign.  How much is this going to cost us?  Christie is way more relaxed with money.  Not overly relaxed, but quite opposite of me.  She is a "fixer".  If there is something that needs attending she thinks of the solution, without thinking about the cost that comes with whatever the solution may be.  If left to my own devices, I would probably let things get well past their "best used by" date in order to save a dollar or two.  This is not always a good idea.  Christie over our relationship has helped me view money a "little" more relaxed.  We compliment each other very nicely.  I've learned to loosen up a bit and perhaps I've helped her save a little bit.  It works.

If it was up to me, I would probably be fairly close to a hermit.  I'm not naturally a super sociable person.  Don't get me wrong, I love people, but I tend to get anxious around a group of people in a small room.  Christie, on the other hand, loves to "entertain" and be with people.  I have no doubt that the connections I have with the people in my life are infinitely stronger as a direct result of Christie's need to often prod me out the door.  She's also taught me that having people over is not as bad as I sometimes irrationally think it will be. 

These are just a couple of examples, but as you can tell we are as different as the way we put on underwear.  It's easy for me to look at these examples and realize that not only is my life better as a result of having Christie in it, but I'm a better person as a direct result of her presence in my life.  How lucky am I?  Damn lucky...

That line in the movie Jerry Maguire that is so widely known...."You complete me"...a bunch of crap.  Don't believe that any person can complete you.  I would like to think that I was a complete person prior to Christie's arrival in my life. "1" is a whole number.  According to Google, "whole" is defined thus:
         Whole- Adjective: All of, entire -Noun: A thing that is complete in itself: "a coherent whole". 
However, if you ask a mathamatician they will tell you that "1" is an "odd" number.  I have no problem admitting that I was an odd "1" most of my life.  I was complete, but odd, no doubt.  Christie entered my life as a whole "1" as well.  But the beautiful thing about our relationship is that when we are together we become "2" and that my friends, is even.

Christie has made me even in so many ways and there is not a day that goes by that I don't count my blessings for her presence in my life.  I am aware that every good thing that has happened in my life since her arrival can in some way be attributed to her decision to hang with me.  Today is Christie's birthday.  Significant day in my world because so much of my world begins and ends with her. So today I celebrate the person who made me "even".  I love her so very much and thought you might want to know how amazing she is, not that you needed to read this to know that....Even if she puts her underwear on weird.

I love you Christie Fitzgerald....happy birthday.

Don't be the cow....

I saw a cow in a beautiful pasture this weekend....

This pasture hadn't been eaten up by the ravages of a Texas summer yet, still had plenty of green grass around.  Looked pretty much like a cow's paradise, as far as I could tell.  Yet the cow was all the way up to the fence line, trying to pry it's head between the wires of the fence in order to grab some of the grass just on the other side.  Stupid cow...

Then I thought a bit more and realized how often I'm a stupid cow.  Have been blessed beyond measure yet not satisfied.  Wanting what's on the other side of the "fence".  Here's what I've found about fences though.  There is a crap load of them.  As soon as you get over one, there's another waiting for you.  Our society has become quite the fence makers, it would seem. 

Hey, here's the Iphone 4...this phone will make you waffles for breakfast.  FENCE....Here's the Iphone 4"S".  This phone is ten times better because it will tell you a story while it makes you waffles.

Here's a perfectly good pair of shoes that will do everything a pair of shoes should do.  FENCE...Here's a shoe that will magically take inches off of your butt while you do nothing more than wear them.

But it's not just corporate America that are fence makers.  We are quite adept at making fences ourselves.  I have a beautiful house.  The nicest house I've ever lived in.  More room than we use or need.  Yet I suddenly have a FENCE because they are building new homes right across the way and man those houses look really nice.  Bigger patio, more square footage...one of those would be a better house, I know it.

You just recently started working out and you are feeling great about it.  Feel better, have more energy, more confidence, taking steps in the right direction.  FENCE...hey you're old friend that you haven't seen in 15 years just posted on Facebook that they started working out recently and have already lost 12 lbs.  Suddenly, you are not happy with what you were completely content with before....you want what's on the other side of the fence.

You get the point.  It's everything you want, until you have it, then it's not quite enough.  Now I'm all for bettering yourself and striving to become a better you.  But I have a sneakin' suspicion that most of us are spending so much time trying to get through the fence that we forget all that is already in our proverbial "pasture". 

If you would have told the 14 year old me that I would have the family that I have, the job that I love, and all the "stuff" that I've acquired, that 14 year old kid would be stoked.  That's more than he thought was possible.  Yet here I am, blessed beyond measure, and still find myself scraping up my neck trying to get on the other side of the damn fence.  Stupid cow.

Do you think about your pasture?  How blessed you are with the people, opportunities and life that you've been given?  Do you lose sight of how good your life is, looking over the fence?  Don't be the cow.